Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
