was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
