I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i drank out of a bidet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
