Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
