I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
