you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
