the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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