I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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