I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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