I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
