i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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