do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
