JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
