We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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