my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
