it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have surprise drugs for everyone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize