i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
