So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
