The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
false alarm. still invincible.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize