But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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