i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
