Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
