a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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