he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
what is it with giant penises always finding me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
