The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
did you just send me my own nude
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
