That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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