he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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