mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
