I hate all girls vehemently.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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