ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
