Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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