The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
