Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
