so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
