I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
