Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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