I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
