halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
