i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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