I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
