Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
