so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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