Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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