I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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