U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
