If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize