I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
