I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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