are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
