im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
