We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
