we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
