I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
