i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just found puke in my bra..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize