Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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