If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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