I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
