new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
