I want to walk on stilts...naked
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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