Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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