Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
