I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
