The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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