Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
