i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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