I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
