On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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