When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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