She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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