I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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